In all my years of experience and knowledge on the subject of relationships and romance in real life, I have one universal truth to acknowledge and impart to all those lovelorn reading this humble blog...
Okay...I have absolutely nothing.
Hopefully you knew the first lofty statement was meant with sincere, heavy sarcasm! Smile
***
In spite of not currently being in a relationship, I am quite the hopeless-according-to-my-family romantic...there is nothing inherently "wrong" with being romantic, or taking enjoyment in "girly" things like period dramas, Jane Austen books, chick-flicks, or Scotty McCreery! I love you this big!
*Ahem* Pardon me...had to get that in there.
Romance can easily be a struggle for us as women, to resist making romantic "fluff" (i.e: Hollywood, Hallmark, "inspirational" romance books) idols in our hearts. I speak from personal experience...when I was quite young--too young--I read quite a few inspirational romance novellas....yes, typically historical, too. The guy was sensitive, understanding, vocal, sweet, & of course...handsome. He went to any lengths to convince the girl of his love for her.
That is basically the cookie cutter plots of the books I read...anybody rolling their eyes yet?
I fell in love with "love" as defined by Hallmark-esque scenarios in seemingly harmless novels, films & music.
The love-story God already has written for us, is far beyond our wildest, romantic dreams or expectations. There will be ups, downs, but most of all...I believe we'll more fully realize & embrace grace for the journey. It will not be a fairy tale...the journey will only just begin after the wedding!
*Ahem* Pardon me...had to get that in there.
Romance can easily be a struggle for us as women, to resist making romantic "fluff" (i.e: Hollywood, Hallmark, "inspirational" romance books) idols in our hearts. I speak from personal experience...when I was quite young--too young--I read quite a few inspirational romance novellas....yes, typically historical, too. The guy was sensitive, understanding, vocal, sweet, & of course...handsome. He went to any lengths to convince the girl of his love for her.
That is basically the cookie cutter plots of the books I read...anybody rolling their eyes yet?
I fell in love with "love" as defined by Hallmark-esque scenarios in seemingly harmless novels, films & music.
The prince charming and damsel in distress of classic literature and period dramas alike:
Darcy & Lizzie
Mum & I had many lengthy talks with my fascination with romance...especially when I began the comparing game of the great, Godly, guys in books I read...to things I saw in the men in my life. Suffice it enough to say, that it took awhile for the realization that they were wholly fiction--not real life!--to get through my thick skull.
If we begin to literally idolize the heroes in some of our favorite fiction or movies, there is a stumbling block erected in our hearts. It is not wrong to admire characteristics of fictional heroes, & pray for God to develop those characteristics in your future husband, but the trouble I found, is that it turned into unreachable expectations & "ideas" of how a guy should be. No guy--however Godly--can measure up to our romantic ideals based on wholly fictional, romantic characters.
Guys are sinners, plain & simple. Women are, too! The Lord wired men & women uniquely, to complement each other & also as divine refining tools.
Mum's shared many things she's learned over her twenty-two years of marriage to my Dad. I'm so glad I have them both in my life...a truly real-life example of a lasting marriage through so many trials & struggles; moves, mother-in-law, money (the lack thereof), pregnancies, births, surgeries, illnesses, job changes, homeschooling, church changes...& oh yeah, four kids! Just a few days ago, on the 14th, it was the 24th anniversary of Mum & Dad's engagement. He asked Mum in a brief moment of alone-time, if she would marry him again.
She said yes...emphatically.
God has grown my parents together in their twenty-two years of marriage, & reveals more of His grace to each of them as they walk out loving each other unconditionally & sacrificially day by day.
Ah fairy tales...what girl doesn't love them, or desire to have a "fairy-tale" wedding where they ride off into the sunset with their Prince Charming? Or in this case...Flynn Rider? *smile*
The love-story God already has written for us, is far beyond our wildest, romantic dreams or expectations. There will be ups, downs, but most of all...I believe we'll more fully realize & embrace grace for the journey. It will not be a fairy tale...the journey will only just begin after the wedding!
Two sinners + God at the center of every moment = an enduring, strong marriage.
Not the romantic fantasies of fiction, film & music.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever.Is. 40:8
The word of the Lord about true love:
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other...let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
1 John 3:16-18
To close...hit "Play" on video below, the song is a lyrical version of more than one important truths to making a relationship work. Love it! True love is agape love, unconditional...certainly not mere feelings....not romance. It surpasses even the most rose-colored dreams we may have for our engagements or weddings.
And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8
6 comments:
This is just what I needed to read! Thank you! Your post as definitely given me some good food for thought.
And you're right - great minds DO think alike. :-)
Love! Jess
Well said, dearest Meghan. Your sweet mother's wisdom has prepared your heart, and the Lord will continue to guard it, and give you the desires of it. Marriage surprised me in so many ways. I had to learn AFTER marriage a lot of what you've written here; so you've got a head start, Sweetheart. I hope you don't mind if I share with you a little of what I'm still learning. I need to remind myself of it every now and again...still. lol
I had to learn that NO two marriages are ever the same nor should they be. That second concept took me awhile! It was such a temptation to be like Mr. and Mrs. So and So...they seemed so happy! I'd try to be like Mrs. So and So (after all HER husband seemed so happy with her!) However, Mr. So and So wasn't MY husband, and MY husband didn't want to act like Mr. So and So and hadn't married Mrs. So and So (and didn't really like her ways)--- MY husband had married ME! And I had married my husband - NOT Mr. So and So. God wanted me to be me and my husband to be himself. Granted God wanted to improve me, but He still wanted me to be ME.
Two....the bottom line is only God can change my husband. He may use me to do it, but the end responsibility is God's, and many times I've had to leave it there, and concentrate on what God was doing in my life and to me. 'Nuff said on that one. ;-)
I also had to learn that God wanted to stretch me - make me MORE. God gave me a man very different from me, and that wasn't/isn't always easy. I figured by 20 plus years, I'd have it all figured out, but, I tell you, marriage is like the word of God - it is a living thing. When you think you've got it --- God will grow you some more. God is perfecting me, and He uses my husband to do it. God has taught me sympathy, solitude, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, strength, sorrow, joy, unexplained peace, total dependence on Him...oh so much...through marriage. It has grown and stretched me into who I am and who God wants me to become. Like any muscle that hasn't been used, the spiritual "heart" will experience pain as it is exercised and enlarged, but, oh, what capacity it has when it has learned to love through God's training exercises! Sometimes I am just in awe of the thought of what Heaven will be like and what we Christians will be like once we are refined like gold.
Love to you, Mrs. H.
...and welcome back Meghan!
I hope you enjoyed your time writing. Well-done post. So many people think "love" is whatever culture or the movies say about it: so NOT true. The sad part is, most people - especially young impressionable girls don't have anyone telling them otherwise.
Girl, you did an amazing job communicating your thoughts--and I agree with you on hundred percent.
I was reminded that in movies and books, we tend to end at the wedding when it all actuality, there is MUCH MORE left to the story. But if we marry because we want what books are...we are in for a major surprise.
However, can I say you used the wrong Darcy and Lizzie picture ;-)
Megan! I love how you put everything in such simple words, yet they are so inspirational! Everything you said is so true, every girl wants that so called 'prince charming' but that really is never going to happen :) I love your blog! Miss you dear <3
Bethany
Good post! =)
I think it is an excellent thing that I do not look for the traits of my favorite literary men in real life men, because most of the literary men I love most are tragic figures in need of some serious help! (Except Colonel Brandon.) But I agree, reading fiction sets an awfully high standard for the men in our lives.
Ironic that you would write this on the eve of us putting out the Literary Man issue, since my thoughts were similar this past week. =D
... we've all been nearly ruined by literary men!
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