Some people say life is made up of "what if's?" I say, life is rather a constant cycle of seeking. I've felt that inward need to "seek" quite acutely the past year. Seeking God's direction is probably a phrase I could use to sum up the entirety of our days here on earth.
The Psalmist asks the Lord to, teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom...satisfy us early with your mercy that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Psalm 90:12 & 14. Nowhere in God's word does it say to set extremely high expectations as to what we should be doing with our time, money, efforts...but I have struggled with that for many years. Listening to that sneaky little voice of self that says, "You can do it all! You SHOULD be doing it all!" and then letting guilt trip me up into self pity...now you see another cycle of how my mind works.
We humans can complicate such simple truths, can we not? The brilliant truth and reality of God's perfect grace should SO eclipse my own fretting over my failings...and I can simply say that God is faithful to reveal that to me with gentle rebukes--often. In my "quest" to number my days after high school, while working, writing...finding my niche, so to speak...I lost sight of making my "quest" solely "me and God," as I had resolved to do and was encouraged to do after graduation--at the dawn of a new season of life.
I quickly got overwhelmed with life though not quite to the point of my senior year...to all my family and friends who had to deal with me through that time of my stress, OCD, worry, control freak-ness...you have my sincere apologies and are due lots of chocolate. One thing that has been driven home in numerous ways of late--even as I struggle to "make time" for time with God, talking to Him while in HIs word--, has been to seek God. To know God more. We can never know everything there is to know about God--how truly awesome is that?
But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, when you turn to the LORD your God and obey His voice (for the LORD your God is a merciful God), He will not forsake you. Deuteronomy 4:29-31.
Above is one of the many promises in Scripture that if we seek, we will always find Him ready, waiting with open arms and eyes that first look to His son--standing at His right hand--and knowing that we are His only because of Jesus' sacrifice. A song from a 90's Disney movie comes to mind when I read the second sentence about distress. Anyone remember the movie "Oliver & Company" about the cute little orange tabby kitten and the group of ragtag dogs in New York City? The only thing I remember is the chorus to a song, "Why should I worry?"
In Deuteronomy, the author is telling the reader--then, and just as applicable now--that when we turn to God--away from our own self-centered heart--we will find Him, realize the only thing we CAN do is to obey Him and He will never lead us astray or disappoint. So...why should I worry? My life may not be tranquil, idyllic or even organized (*laugh*) but my God never changes...my God of peace.
Something that goes hand in hand with seeking God, is being still. That may appear to be an oxymoron, but for this do-it-all, perfectionist typing away at a speed of 100+ words a minute...it goes hand in hand for me, where I am, just as I am. As I seek God's will in many areas--though I must give out a praise that He has made His will abundantly clear in many cases--I always feel that need, or drive, to do, do, do. I guess that's the "Martha" tendency in me. Obedience does play part, as we saw in that verse from Deuteronomy, but sometimes God calls us to obey by waiting on His timing. As I mentioned before--that's hard for me! Even in the physical, I often resent having to rest because of my disability, but I know that if I don't, I'll pay for it later with the pain...and also down the road as my hips deteriorate faster the more impact and stress I put on them.
So...to seek and be still. I don't know what that looks like for anyone but me...and even still, I cannot say that in full honesty because it is revealed day by day! I've heard from many, many treasured friends and family, that this season of life, let's call it the "single years", are some of the most important years of my life. In these years, I have the opportunity to not only serve God in a huge capacity, but to also grow so close to Him that my heart beat echoes, "God and I, God and I."
Pause my music at the bottom of my page, then hit "play" on this video and just listen. Sometimes I put this on and close my eyes. God uses it to refocus me on the simple, yet awesomely complex truths of who He is.